Love this. I am raising a child in mess and often feel a deep sense of maternal shame for doing so (my mum is very house proud). But I have decided that she needs a role model in having a mother who would sooner prioritize living over cleaning. Life truly is too short.
Yes to that. Am childless. But was previously obsessed by cleaning, developing disdain towards the pressure of it. And love to see messy houses for children.
I had an epiphany long before I had my daughter - I was down on my knees scrubbing the (already clean) bathroom floor and thought there has to be more to life than this. I mean, I get the need for basic hygiene, but mess and a bit of dirt is OK by me. I think it was so ingrained in me as a child that I found it hard to stop the spotlessness, but now I am recovered!
I imagine it is also really important for daughters to see spotlessness as not necessary... I mean I wonder where that got is and still gets us, particularly girls and women, so hats off for some reverse engineering and throwing off the shackles.
Yes to all this! Took me years to get rid of the ingrained goal of a perfect house. Much more fun now, I'm raising 2 kids in a mess, to which they definitely contribute ;) It's a lived in home and we love it.
When my youngest started school, I decided to throw myself into developing my art/craft interests as a business for the first time in my life. The messy house slid even farther downhill from then on. At one point I said to my oldest daughter (then in her early 20s), "I'm sorry it's so messy around here with all my art stuff."
She said, "Mom, I love the look on your face when you're making things." She then added, "And besides, the house was never all that tidy anyway."
The term "martyr to the mess" describes the this mentality so well. I've felt ashamed of my messy house in the past, but I don't think I have ever cleaned obsessively at the expense of doing the other stuff I wanted to do...a personality difference I suppose.
There’s something about artists’ mess that’s so appealing. It has a different timbre to everyday mess (cf. I discovered this week that my som was shoving used tissues between the books on my bookcase; this is not the elegant kind of mess). For me, the question is, do I clean, or do I write? Writing always wins.
There is an interesting balance point for me, I think. The point at which my house feels clean *enough* that I'm happy enough in it to work is decidedly less clean than some could tolerate. But also, as I get older, I've learnt that there is a relationship between my inner and outer chaos, and when the house really spirals out of control it means I'm in an untenable whirlwind internally. And from that place I can't write well. I am ungrounded and desperate and anxious and gloomy and, often, ashamed. At that point I have to invest the time to rein in my external chaos a bit. Then my internal chaos also feels like it gets some necessary attention by extension, and I can sit down again and find good words rather than flailing ones.
To space out the times when I have to invest energy to rein in the chaos requires more simplicity of stuff than I maintained as a younger person. It's still more stuff than some people, but it's just enough for me now so that I don't have to steal more time than I can stand from my creative life to manage it.
Same here! I really like what you said about the relationship between your inner and outer chaos. There's a balance between keeping my environment organized enough that it doesn't cause me stress, and not holding myself to this impossible standard that leads to even more stress - a balance that I'm still trying to figure out!
I don't know if this is the Artist's Way or what, but sometimes I find one little tiny thing I'm particular about even when other things pile up. For example, I have discovered I like keeping the soap dish clean. I regularly take the little strainer part off the little matching tray it sits on, and rinse and wipe out the drips. This is while the kitchen floor goes unmopped, and dust mixed with kitty fur has accumulated on the carpet around the edges of the boxes stored in my bedroom.
Meanwhile, people say to me, "You're so amazing! You get so much art created! Is there anything you don't do?" I used to say, "Yeah, I don't clean house." And people would laugh. Eventually I quit saying it because I was pretty sure they were thinking, "How charming! She lets a few things go so she can focus on her art. I wish I was that bold." When actually I really hardly ever clean except for what needs to be done in order to survive from day to day.
I am so glad I read this article today as I have been fluctuating between one part of my brain ("It's So Dirty In Here. Clean. Now") and the other parts ("Is This Really The Best Use of Your Time?) Usually clean-brain wins. My house is actually quite clean....at the potential detriment of that novel I'm trying to write...
what a hoot! I too got rid of my oven. My studio was in a back bedroom, well recently I moved it to the living space. Took over the dining room table and put ha large table in the living room so I could work. The carpet is crappy anyway due to my wheelchair. Honestly, at my age who cares? Husband and kids are gone. So when they do visit, the kids, they have to live with their artist mom
My husband built me a set of shelves up the wall in our dining room so I could have my studio right there instead of in a spare bedroom upstairs I never managed to get to. That was in our last house; we had to move and are in a rental now where even though the landlord has assured us we can drive nails in the walls for art (which we have done) I haven't quite dared take over to that extent. So the stuff is still stacked around the house in boxes. But I'm still making art.
It's a bummer that your art supplies are still in boxes. Glad to hear you are working despite the difficulties. Is it possible to purchase a shelving unit or plastic totes so you can see inside?
No worries. I keep the boxes with the supplies I am currently using on top of the stacks. We do have some free-standing shelves but they are knocked down at the moment and can't be set up unless we free up some space. Which of course needs to be done. But I'm still making art!
Oh my gosh, I feel seen. I too have ‘reptilian’ taps and ‘blackened horror sealant’ around the bath. But far worse than anything is my deep shame about it all. There is such a powerful sense of judgment (mostly my own) when I look at it. I literally don’t want anyone to come round. It’s actually making me more lonely. Thank you for positing an alternative view.
This week I visited a friend whose fabric stash is epic even compared to mine. And then I came away with some hand-me-downs to add to my piles o' stuff. Oh, and a chair someone dumped in the street...
Love this! I remember bursting into tears on seeing the Francis Bacon room at the Hugh Lane. Mess, so lovingly restored! (I’m a tidy Virgo but I dream of having a ‘work room’ with all sorts of tools and materials out and ready to use and all sorts of gunk and grime on the walls…)
They say that there's a museum where you can see Thomas Alva Edison's trash pile. Evidently if he invented something and it didn't work, he'd chuck it out the window and start again.
My grandmother, once her husband was gone and her kids were grown, lived in eccentric semi-squalor. Everything was grimy! We knew, even as children, never to eat anything at her house that we didn't unwrap ourselves, hence, we lived on individual boxes of dry cereal (the milk was always bad) and Hostess cakes. Bliss for kids. She was more an athlete than an artist, though she was gigantically creative. All she wanted was to ride her horse in the morning, read a mystery novel in the afternoon in her little library nook at the top of the stairs, her shoes kicked off, and as far as we cousins were concerned -- if no one was bleeding, we were all just fine.
I'm not as grubby as she is, but if I have the $$, I always hire cleaners. I find cleaning so boring that, like my grandmother, I'd rather do something else. My current cleaner is a gem, a good friend, and gets the high wages she deserves.
When I become rich and famous, one way I plan to contribute to society is to hire cleaners for my own house and pay them very well. Not that this altruistic goal will benefit me in any way, of course.
The truth is, I admire people who not only can efficiently clean a house, but don't mind doing it. Several years ago at a Christmas party I met a small group of ladies who, after they retired from their well-paid careers, decided to clean houses as a part-time business. They said they were "bored," having nothing much to do once they weren't holding down a full-time job, and it was "easy work" and "brought in a bit of extra cash" (we're talking hundreds of dollars a week.) I understood (if dimly) the concepts of "bored" and "a bit of extra cash," but the idea of housecleaning being "easy work," something you would do with one hand tied behind your back, as it were - almost without thinking about it - made me feel as if I had just encountered my first Martians. You know, those creatures whose existence used to be a subject of speculation among science-fiction writers, but you never thought you'd actually meet one.
Yeah, Kate is good at it, likes doing it, and gets paid VERY well. As she should. I still have a corporate job, so I can afford her, and have factored her into my impending retirement plans. Because while I can do it, and did work as a cleaner for a while in my 20s when I was broke, I just find it stupendously boring. So it doesn't get done.
Thank you for this wonderful relatable article . I reluctantly tidy up as my studio is in my small home - but the joy is often in the layered haphazard chaos .. it reminds me that something magical happened and I can return where I left off
Thank you for making it okay to live in my mess. This was SO refreshing It used to wind my ex-husband up no end (enjoyable) and I would desperately try to be a tidy person (not so enjoyable). But I day dream a lot and like to play with things I find in the house and forget to put them away. My now partner laughs, and occasionally tidies after me or gets on the floor and joins in. Life is too short to be tidying all the time.
Love this. I am raising a child in mess and often feel a deep sense of maternal shame for doing so (my mum is very house proud). But I have decided that she needs a role model in having a mother who would sooner prioritize living over cleaning. Life truly is too short.
Yes to that. Am childless. But was previously obsessed by cleaning, developing disdain towards the pressure of it. And love to see messy houses for children.
I had an epiphany long before I had my daughter - I was down on my knees scrubbing the (already clean) bathroom floor and thought there has to be more to life than this. I mean, I get the need for basic hygiene, but mess and a bit of dirt is OK by me. I think it was so ingrained in me as a child that I found it hard to stop the spotlessness, but now I am recovered!
I imagine it is also really important for daughters to see spotlessness as not necessary... I mean I wonder where that got is and still gets us, particularly girls and women, so hats off for some reverse engineering and throwing off the shackles.
Absolutely. It’s not a ‘virtue’ that I want to pass on to my daughter. There’s definitely an element of cycle breaking here.
Yes to all this! Took me years to get rid of the ingrained goal of a perfect house. Much more fun now, I'm raising 2 kids in a mess, to which they definitely contribute ;) It's a lived in home and we love it.
When my youngest started school, I decided to throw myself into developing my art/craft interests as a business for the first time in my life. The messy house slid even farther downhill from then on. At one point I said to my oldest daughter (then in her early 20s), "I'm sorry it's so messy around here with all my art stuff."
She said, "Mom, I love the look on your face when you're making things." She then added, "And besides, the house was never all that tidy anyway."
That’s great to hear Barbara. I definitely think happy mum = happy kids. Rather than ‘martyr to the mess mum’ ❤️
The term "martyr to the mess" describes the this mentality so well. I've felt ashamed of my messy house in the past, but I don't think I have ever cleaned obsessively at the expense of doing the other stuff I wanted to do...a personality difference I suppose.
There’s something about artists’ mess that’s so appealing. It has a different timbre to everyday mess (cf. I discovered this week that my som was shoving used tissues between the books on my bookcase; this is not the elegant kind of mess). For me, the question is, do I clean, or do I write? Writing always wins.
There is an interesting balance point for me, I think. The point at which my house feels clean *enough* that I'm happy enough in it to work is decidedly less clean than some could tolerate. But also, as I get older, I've learnt that there is a relationship between my inner and outer chaos, and when the house really spirals out of control it means I'm in an untenable whirlwind internally. And from that place I can't write well. I am ungrounded and desperate and anxious and gloomy and, often, ashamed. At that point I have to invest the time to rein in my external chaos a bit. Then my internal chaos also feels like it gets some necessary attention by extension, and I can sit down again and find good words rather than flailing ones.
To space out the times when I have to invest energy to rein in the chaos requires more simplicity of stuff than I maintained as a younger person. It's still more stuff than some people, but it's just enough for me now so that I don't have to steal more time than I can stand from my creative life to manage it.
Same here! I really like what you said about the relationship between your inner and outer chaos. There's a balance between keeping my environment organized enough that it doesn't cause me stress, and not holding myself to this impossible standard that leads to even more stress - a balance that I'm still trying to figure out!
I don't know if this is the Artist's Way or what, but sometimes I find one little tiny thing I'm particular about even when other things pile up. For example, I have discovered I like keeping the soap dish clean. I regularly take the little strainer part off the little matching tray it sits on, and rinse and wipe out the drips. This is while the kitchen floor goes unmopped, and dust mixed with kitty fur has accumulated on the carpet around the edges of the boxes stored in my bedroom.
Meanwhile, people say to me, "You're so amazing! You get so much art created! Is there anything you don't do?" I used to say, "Yeah, I don't clean house." And people would laugh. Eventually I quit saying it because I was pretty sure they were thinking, "How charming! She lets a few things go so she can focus on her art. I wish I was that bold." When actually I really hardly ever clean except for what needs to be done in order to survive from day to day.
I'm a literary artist, and my place is an utter disaster. Worse yet, my 13-year-old daughter is a visual artist. Her room is just as bad.
I am so glad I read this article today as I have been fluctuating between one part of my brain ("It's So Dirty In Here. Clean. Now") and the other parts ("Is This Really The Best Use of Your Time?) Usually clean-brain wins. My house is actually quite clean....at the potential detriment of that novel I'm trying to write...
What a wonderful article, I relate completely and have just created a schedule where I write first thing and leave no time for housework! 😅
what a hoot! I too got rid of my oven. My studio was in a back bedroom, well recently I moved it to the living space. Took over the dining room table and put ha large table in the living room so I could work. The carpet is crappy anyway due to my wheelchair. Honestly, at my age who cares? Husband and kids are gone. So when they do visit, the kids, they have to live with their artist mom
My husband built me a set of shelves up the wall in our dining room so I could have my studio right there instead of in a spare bedroom upstairs I never managed to get to. That was in our last house; we had to move and are in a rental now where even though the landlord has assured us we can drive nails in the walls for art (which we have done) I haven't quite dared take over to that extent. So the stuff is still stacked around the house in boxes. But I'm still making art.
It's a bummer that your art supplies are still in boxes. Glad to hear you are working despite the difficulties. Is it possible to purchase a shelving unit or plastic totes so you can see inside?
No worries. I keep the boxes with the supplies I am currently using on top of the stacks. We do have some free-standing shelves but they are knocked down at the moment and can't be set up unless we free up some space. Which of course needs to be done. But I'm still making art!
Oh my gosh, I feel seen. I too have ‘reptilian’ taps and ‘blackened horror sealant’ around the bath. But far worse than anything is my deep shame about it all. There is such a powerful sense of judgment (mostly my own) when I look at it. I literally don’t want anyone to come round. It’s actually making me more lonely. Thank you for positing an alternative view.
My art studio looks like Rose Wylie's! The trouble with artists is that we see every scrap as potential material!
This week I visited a friend whose fabric stash is epic even compared to mine. And then I came away with some hand-me-downs to add to my piles o' stuff. Oh, and a chair someone dumped in the street...
Who knew that a post on cleaning would yield such treasures. Thank you!
Love this! I remember bursting into tears on seeing the Francis Bacon room at the Hugh Lane. Mess, so lovingly restored! (I’m a tidy Virgo but I dream of having a ‘work room’ with all sorts of tools and materials out and ready to use and all sorts of gunk and grime on the walls…)
They say that there's a museum where you can see Thomas Alva Edison's trash pile. Evidently if he invented something and it didn't work, he'd chuck it out the window and start again.
Huh!
My grandmother, once her husband was gone and her kids were grown, lived in eccentric semi-squalor. Everything was grimy! We knew, even as children, never to eat anything at her house that we didn't unwrap ourselves, hence, we lived on individual boxes of dry cereal (the milk was always bad) and Hostess cakes. Bliss for kids. She was more an athlete than an artist, though she was gigantically creative. All she wanted was to ride her horse in the morning, read a mystery novel in the afternoon in her little library nook at the top of the stairs, her shoes kicked off, and as far as we cousins were concerned -- if no one was bleeding, we were all just fine.
I'm not as grubby as she is, but if I have the $$, I always hire cleaners. I find cleaning so boring that, like my grandmother, I'd rather do something else. My current cleaner is a gem, a good friend, and gets the high wages she deserves.
When I become rich and famous, one way I plan to contribute to society is to hire cleaners for my own house and pay them very well. Not that this altruistic goal will benefit me in any way, of course.
The truth is, I admire people who not only can efficiently clean a house, but don't mind doing it. Several years ago at a Christmas party I met a small group of ladies who, after they retired from their well-paid careers, decided to clean houses as a part-time business. They said they were "bored," having nothing much to do once they weren't holding down a full-time job, and it was "easy work" and "brought in a bit of extra cash" (we're talking hundreds of dollars a week.) I understood (if dimly) the concepts of "bored" and "a bit of extra cash," but the idea of housecleaning being "easy work," something you would do with one hand tied behind your back, as it were - almost without thinking about it - made me feel as if I had just encountered my first Martians. You know, those creatures whose existence used to be a subject of speculation among science-fiction writers, but you never thought you'd actually meet one.
Yeah, Kate is good at it, likes doing it, and gets paid VERY well. As she should. I still have a corporate job, so I can afford her, and have factored her into my impending retirement plans. Because while I can do it, and did work as a cleaner for a while in my 20s when I was broke, I just find it stupendously boring. So it doesn't get done.
I hope to do the same one of these days! (Hire a cleaner, that is. I already know how to not clean house!)
My dear sister, God rest her soul, had a plaque in her kitchen: A clean house is a misspent life.
You are an amazing and inspiring writer! I take newfound pride in my messy, creative chaos. Thank you for sharing this. 😌
Thank you for this wonderful relatable article . I reluctantly tidy up as my studio is in my small home - but the joy is often in the layered haphazard chaos .. it reminds me that something magical happened and I can return where I left off
Absolutely brilliant - so much of this resonates with me!
Thank you for making it okay to live in my mess. This was SO refreshing It used to wind my ex-husband up no end (enjoyable) and I would desperately try to be a tidy person (not so enjoyable). But I day dream a lot and like to play with things I find in the house and forget to put them away. My now partner laughs, and occasionally tidies after me or gets on the floor and joins in. Life is too short to be tidying all the time.